My Baby Wise Philosophy: An Explanation

  
 
Ever since I first began Baby Wise with Martin, I have encountered people rolling their eyes or even being downright mortified at my parenting style. Although I know that every parent will face opposition to whichever parenting style they adopt, I do not want anyone to misunderstand my methods.  I understand that my method is unusual and it may seem a little kooky, but it has been carefully (and prayerfully) considered and tweaked according to Martin’s needs (and mine).
    I am a disciplined person. I like to get up at the same time every day (pretty much), eat breakfast at the same time, have dinner at the same time, etc. So, yes, Baby Wise did appeal to me because it promoted consistency and routine—while attachment parenting promoted a different kind of routine. I like to know what a day’s going to hold and I like to be able to plan for variations in that routine in advance. So, Baby wise might appeal to me more than someone else who is more “go with the flow.” Baby wise is not, however, a hyper-scheduling method as is commonly perceived, but rather it is an establishing of a routine. But instead of talking vaguely of what Baby wise strives to do, I will lay out my philosophy of parenting so that you may criticize me alone without throwing out an entire method because it seems odd.
My Rules:
1.    Full-Feedings: Basically, I believe that it is better for my child if he gets a full feeding each time he nurses rather than a snack. The foremilk that is released first is very light in calories and fat, while the hind-milk is full of fat, protein, and nutrients that will help him grow more quickly. He also seems happier and more content after receiving a full meal and is more able to interact. In order to ensure that he received a full feeding every time I had to keep him awake during feeding. This may seem cruel to some people, but it has worked for us. At his last check-up his pediatrician praised the progress he was making. He had grown two inches and gained 5lbs since his one week check-up. He is reaching (and exceeding) every milestone he is supposed to reach (not Baby Wise milestones, but the one laid out by his pediatrician). I am also very careful to monitor how many diapers he is producing to make sure he is getting enough (this is highly stressed in the Baby Wise book). Baby Wise clearly states to monitor your baby's diapers and to monitor the infant's growth to make sure he is getting enough to eat. I would never leave my baby crying and hungry just to follow some philosophy as is believed about the Baby Wise method:

2.    Sleep: It is pretty evident that individuals who get longer periods of uninterrupted sleep function more effectively, are happier, and can think more clearly than individuals who sleep for short bursts of time. Therefore, I have fashioned nap times for Martin with that same philosophy. I want him to have consistent naps throughout the day that are uninterrupted so that he can get into that deep sleep that is so important. The way I accomplish this is to keep him awake while he eats. If I keep him awake while he eats, he will get a full meal, be more attentive after he eats, and then he will take an excellent nap for 1 ½ to 2 hours (most of the time). I guess I’m always striving for quality rather than quantity. I’d rather him take 5 longer naps, rather than ten short naps. It works out better for all of us because I can rest during those times, get things done around the house, so I can be ready to spend quality time with him when he wakes up again without sacrificing my sanity or housework. There is a common misconception about the goal of baby wise and sleeping through the night. Most people hear that if you do Baby Wise your baby will sleep through the night at 7 weeks as though sleeping through the night is the ultimate goal. This isn’t the case. It is about establishing a routine. The rest of the family sleeps through the night, so why shouldn’t this new addition? This is not to say that I will not feed Martin if he wakes up in the night, but that I am always striving to establish a normal routine as he grows and is more able to adjust.

    I’ve had people ask me how often I hold my baby. As though I just leave him to be independent all day long. This is not the case. I hold and snuggle with my baby all the time, but I do allow him to have time by himself so that he will not be over-dependent on someone holding him. There is no doubt that Martin feels loved. I have never left him to cry when something is wrong, or ignored him when he needed me. But I did let him cry himself to sleep sometimes.
    The thing is, I don’t allow him to become the center of my universe, and I also am able to meet every physical and emotional need he has without him ever feeling neglected or alone. I realize that maintaining my relationship with my husband is very important—so I am against co-sleeping. If Martin needs me, of course I am there immediately. If he is scared, I comfort him. But that doesn’t mean that I will have him sleep in my bed to avoid him ever feeling any discomfort during the night—that does not work for my family. Instead, I have taught him to sleep in his bed, to go to sleep on his own, so now I know if he cries in the middle of the night that he needs something and I am better able to fulfill that need.
    I do not believe for one second that establishing a routine for my son has caused him to feel unloved. I love him more than I ever thought I could. I love him so much to the point that I am willing to sacrifice my own desires in order to make sure he gets the rest and food he needs. It isn’t convenient all the time to be home by 9:30 so he can be in the bed at his bed time, but when I make those sacrifices, I find myself with a happy and content baby. On the other hand, establishing a routine also helps me know what each day will hold (within 30 minutes or so), and does make my life a little easier. And, I want to stress the fact that just because Martin is on a 3 hour schedule, it does not mean that I do not feed him if he wakes up earlier and is hungry. I assess the need and decide what to do next. (He obviously likes it)

(You see how close my hand is to him? He doesn't just play all day by myself, but I do let him have conversations with me across from me)
    I never skip a feeding to make sure he stays on schedule. If for any reason he doesn’t get a full feeding and wakes up an hour later ready to eat, I adjust my schedule to fulfill his need. But I do not feed him every time he cries.
    To sum all of this up: I love my son. If at any point he isn’t thriving or is miserable, I am willing to reassess and adjust. I believe that it is important to have a healthy balance in my life and not to be so consumed with being a mother that I neglect my relationship with God or my husband. My desire is to teach my son to be part of our family and not the center of it, to feel loved but not idolized (yes, I did mean that kind of idolized... I've seen people put their kids up on a pedestal on which they do not belong), and to have all of the support and love he needs to reach his full potential in Christ.
-JW