My Baby Wise Philosophy: An Explanation

  
 
Ever since I first began Baby Wise with Martin, I have encountered people rolling their eyes or even being downright mortified at my parenting style. Although I know that every parent will face opposition to whichever parenting style they adopt, I do not want anyone to misunderstand my methods.  I understand that my method is unusual and it may seem a little kooky, but it has been carefully (and prayerfully) considered and tweaked according to Martin’s needs (and mine).
    I am a disciplined person. I like to get up at the same time every day (pretty much), eat breakfast at the same time, have dinner at the same time, etc. So, yes, Baby Wise did appeal to me because it promoted consistency and routine—while attachment parenting promoted a different kind of routine. I like to know what a day’s going to hold and I like to be able to plan for variations in that routine in advance. So, Baby wise might appeal to me more than someone else who is more “go with the flow.” Baby wise is not, however, a hyper-scheduling method as is commonly perceived, but rather it is an establishing of a routine. But instead of talking vaguely of what Baby wise strives to do, I will lay out my philosophy of parenting so that you may criticize me alone without throwing out an entire method because it seems odd.
My Rules:
1.    Full-Feedings: Basically, I believe that it is better for my child if he gets a full feeding each time he nurses rather than a snack. The foremilk that is released first is very light in calories and fat, while the hind-milk is full of fat, protein, and nutrients that will help him grow more quickly. He also seems happier and more content after receiving a full meal and is more able to interact. In order to ensure that he received a full feeding every time I had to keep him awake during feeding. This may seem cruel to some people, but it has worked for us. At his last check-up his pediatrician praised the progress he was making. He had grown two inches and gained 5lbs since his one week check-up. He is reaching (and exceeding) every milestone he is supposed to reach (not Baby Wise milestones, but the one laid out by his pediatrician). I am also very careful to monitor how many diapers he is producing to make sure he is getting enough (this is highly stressed in the Baby Wise book). Baby Wise clearly states to monitor your baby's diapers and to monitor the infant's growth to make sure he is getting enough to eat. I would never leave my baby crying and hungry just to follow some philosophy as is believed about the Baby Wise method:

2.    Sleep: It is pretty evident that individuals who get longer periods of uninterrupted sleep function more effectively, are happier, and can think more clearly than individuals who sleep for short bursts of time. Therefore, I have fashioned nap times for Martin with that same philosophy. I want him to have consistent naps throughout the day that are uninterrupted so that he can get into that deep sleep that is so important. The way I accomplish this is to keep him awake while he eats. If I keep him awake while he eats, he will get a full meal, be more attentive after he eats, and then he will take an excellent nap for 1 ½ to 2 hours (most of the time). I guess I’m always striving for quality rather than quantity. I’d rather him take 5 longer naps, rather than ten short naps. It works out better for all of us because I can rest during those times, get things done around the house, so I can be ready to spend quality time with him when he wakes up again without sacrificing my sanity or housework. There is a common misconception about the goal of baby wise and sleeping through the night. Most people hear that if you do Baby Wise your baby will sleep through the night at 7 weeks as though sleeping through the night is the ultimate goal. This isn’t the case. It is about establishing a routine. The rest of the family sleeps through the night, so why shouldn’t this new addition? This is not to say that I will not feed Martin if he wakes up in the night, but that I am always striving to establish a normal routine as he grows and is more able to adjust.

    I’ve had people ask me how often I hold my baby. As though I just leave him to be independent all day long. This is not the case. I hold and snuggle with my baby all the time, but I do allow him to have time by himself so that he will not be over-dependent on someone holding him. There is no doubt that Martin feels loved. I have never left him to cry when something is wrong, or ignored him when he needed me. But I did let him cry himself to sleep sometimes.
    The thing is, I don’t allow him to become the center of my universe, and I also am able to meet every physical and emotional need he has without him ever feeling neglected or alone. I realize that maintaining my relationship with my husband is very important—so I am against co-sleeping. If Martin needs me, of course I am there immediately. If he is scared, I comfort him. But that doesn’t mean that I will have him sleep in my bed to avoid him ever feeling any discomfort during the night—that does not work for my family. Instead, I have taught him to sleep in his bed, to go to sleep on his own, so now I know if he cries in the middle of the night that he needs something and I am better able to fulfill that need.
    I do not believe for one second that establishing a routine for my son has caused him to feel unloved. I love him more than I ever thought I could. I love him so much to the point that I am willing to sacrifice my own desires in order to make sure he gets the rest and food he needs. It isn’t convenient all the time to be home by 9:30 so he can be in the bed at his bed time, but when I make those sacrifices, I find myself with a happy and content baby. On the other hand, establishing a routine also helps me know what each day will hold (within 30 minutes or so), and does make my life a little easier. And, I want to stress the fact that just because Martin is on a 3 hour schedule, it does not mean that I do not feed him if he wakes up earlier and is hungry. I assess the need and decide what to do next. (He obviously likes it)

(You see how close my hand is to him? He doesn't just play all day by myself, but I do let him have conversations with me across from me)
    I never skip a feeding to make sure he stays on schedule. If for any reason he doesn’t get a full feeding and wakes up an hour later ready to eat, I adjust my schedule to fulfill his need. But I do not feed him every time he cries.
    To sum all of this up: I love my son. If at any point he isn’t thriving or is miserable, I am willing to reassess and adjust. I believe that it is important to have a healthy balance in my life and not to be so consumed with being a mother that I neglect my relationship with God or my husband. My desire is to teach my son to be part of our family and not the center of it, to feel loved but not idolized (yes, I did mean that kind of idolized... I've seen people put their kids up on a pedestal on which they do not belong), and to have all of the support and love he needs to reach his full potential in Christ.
-JW

$4 Dinners

That's my goal this week. Well, it might just be an average of $4 dinners. I stink at using all of my ingredients, and we just can't afford to waste food. So today I came up with an idea to keep my grocery bill down to a minimum.
I always end up making too much food thinking we would eat on the ingredients all week long, but my husband (wonderful and frugal as he is) gets tired of eating the same food long before the last crumb is gone. So, instead of wasting the ingredients by buying all of them and only using part of it to make a smaller portion, and then letting everything to go bad, I decided to make the normal amount and then freeze the rest. That way the last week of every month I will make all of those frozen meals to eat for dinner and my husband will have had three weeks to get the taste out of his mouth.
So, that's my idea... what are your ideas for frugal grocery bills?
JW

Listening to the Still, Small Voice

Today, I was thinking of a friend of mine who had a husband with a lot of ex-girlfriends. I know it's been really difficult for her. He had difficult relationships that ended badly and she was close to all of the girls involved. It was messy. She also had a relationship that ended quite poorly.
Now sometimes she has moments where she just can't get the thought of the time he spent with those girls out of her mind--and it hurts because she's jealous for those moments.
But the Lord is the great Redeemer. He has given her new moments with her husband. New moments that no one can take away from her.
She still wishes neither of them had wasted those first moments on people who weren't the right people, and if either of them had listened to the Lord about those past relationships then they wouldn't experience those brief moments of pain while remembering.
All of this has taught me to listen to that still, small Voice and to obey it. I don't want to waste moments that are intended for something better.
I am so thankful for my husband and the way the Lord orchestrated us to be together. He is the right person with whom I am to share all of these wonderful moments.
-JW

Bored, But Busy

I guess the title of this post isn't exactly honest. I am not bored in the traditional sense of the word. Explain? Okay, my husband started a new job this week. A job that has him working 12-14 hour days half an hour away from our home. That leaves a grand total of 9 hours per day for him to be at home.
Now, I know I'm blessed to have a husband who really enjoys spending time with me and our son, but those couple of hours of time we get to spend as a family really fly by.
I'm not complaining about the job-- we are trully blessed to have this income and I am very thankful for it, but it is teaching me to cherish those times we have together. I am a recovering tvoholic, and when we had more time together we would often squander it on whatever show we were currently going through on Netflix.
I wasted a lot of time.
Now, I see him and entertainment that keeps us from talking makes me feel a little ill.
So, back to being bored. On Monday I read an entire book-- now I haven't done that very often in the past few years. I think it comes from not having the time to do it. And although I'm busier than ever now during my "free-time," I also have the option to choose to read instead of working on whatever project I'm currently working on. But after I have read an entire book, there is still an expanse of time looming in front of me like a highway in Oklahoma. I've been cooking dinner, working out, doing laundry, playing with my baby, running errands, cleaning house, writing, and that's all before lunch.
I've always been an independent person, but now I'm finding myself not liking being on my own so much.  I miss my husband--but missing him only reminds me how blessed I am to be married to my best friend.
Also, text messaging is awesome.

I could use all this extra time to get good and skinny, I guess. Working out with a baby in the gym is a little tedious at times, but I am grateful to be able to use the gym like that. Martin sleeps very well in his car seat while I blast Pride and Prejudice (the good version), and sprint on a loud treadmill.
He is such a good kid.
Well, that's all, I guess.
-JW

A New Day

Today started out better than most. Martin slept for over six hours in one stretch and I feel like a new human-being.
Because his morning started at 8:15 instead of 9:00 our schedule took some tweaking as the day went on. Needless to say, Martin woke up in a good mood, and after I fed him he even talked to me for awhile. He said many interesting things, such as: "allgh, oooooh, gah, and nnnndaa." He's more vocal than I expecting him to be at 6 1/2 weeks old. His dad was very vocal from a young age, but I didn't speak until I was almost two. So, I guess I didn't know what to expect from my own child--just not cooing at this age. Or smiling...

We played for about thirty minutes before I put him down for a nap. I spent his nap eating breakfast, drinking coffee, and tidying the kitchen. I've found that I really enjoy being a housewife. I thought I would go crazy never leaving the house, but it is so rewarding to stay at home with Martin. Although we do go work out in the gym about my parents' garage on a daily basis, so I can't say I never leave.
I'm trying to get him on a 3-hour schedule, so when he woke up happy in his crib, I let him stay there for about twenty minutes until 11:15. I fed him, I let him practice his version of rolling over and holding his head up until 12:30, then I put him down for a nap.
He woke up at 2 to eat, and I fed him while spending time with my husband. Martin hung out with his dad while I got ready for the gym and then we left. Martin napped in his car seat while I worked out as hard as I could (which is not very hard) until about 4.
He once again slept well so I didn't get him up until 5 to eat again (completing a three-hour schedule).
My husband's grandfather died this morning, so we've been contemplating if the baby and I should make the 15+ hour drive to Florida. A part of me wants to stay home, but I know that when life happens you must happen with it even if it does mean throwing Martin off of his schedule a little bit, or having to pump and feed him from a bottle in the car. The Lord has given us so much, I don't want to be selfish when someone needs us.
So, if everything goes according to plan, Martin and I will accompany Everett and his family to Florida the day after tomorrow.
Anyway, after his 5:00 feeding, I let him practice rolling over again and  practice holding his head up as he found our voices across the room.
My day hadn't happened exactly right, so Everett got pizza for dinner and we watched the storms bellowing outside our front door. Martin was a little nervous, so we let him sleep in his bassinet in the living room as we ate dinner. I fed him again at 7:30 then gave him a bath. He's been crying in his bed since about 8:30, but he just got quiet so I'm hoping that means he'll sleep until ten when I can give him his "dreamfeed," and then maybe he'll sleep through the night again.
He is so precious. I can't get enough of him. I thought I would have to force being happy with him. I thought I would be bored hanging out with him all day, but I'm not. I love him to death and I miss him every time he goes to sleep.
Wow! Being a mom is awesome.

Trying Something New

I like having a firm routine. I like to have the same time to wake up every day, same time eating breakfast, same time exercising, etc. Having a baby has changed everything.
I strive to do all that Babywise requires of me but it's difficult sometimes. My little Martin is changing so much every day that it seems like no day is exactly the how I plan for it to be.
I'm not good at keeping up with subtle changes or even noticing them until I've had two whole days that are just off-kilter and I'm so exhausted I can barely handle it anymore. So I decided this will start being my "Babywise Log." If I keep up with how every day goes maybe I can start to notice trends that are consistently messing up his schedule.
I know that what we're doing with his feeding/wake-time/sleeping routine is better than the alternative, but sometimes I just get frustrated that I can't seem to really ease into a comfortable rhythm. As soon as I start feeling in step, he wakes up thirty minutes early from his nap and the whole day is shifted.

But it's okay. I know that I eventually will reap the rewards of a well-trained child. But I am tired. I do know, however, that he will take some form of a nap even if it's only fifteen minutes of actual sleep-time and I can rest. I know other mothers don't always have that opportunity. So, here's how today went.
Last night was a terrible night. He woke up every 1.5 hours starving.
Our first feeding is usually between 6:30 and 7am, but today he woke up at 5. I fed him a small meal and put him back to bed until 7:30am. I woke him up, fed him, and usually I would keep him awake for this playtime, but I was so exhausted I just put him back to bed until 10.
We stayed awake for awhile, he played with his daddy for awhile while I cleaned up the kitchen and got ready for the gym. He slept in the carseat while I worked out, but woke up at 12:10 to eat instead of 12:30.
I fed him and then he lay on my bed while I cleaned out my closet before I put him to sleep. He cried for about twenty minutes then slept until 2:30. I fed him and we hung out for awhile, then I ran some errands. I put him down for a nap at 3:30 and he woke up at 5, starving. I fed him, we hung out for awhile in his room and then we were off to family dinner where he was held by family until 6:30--he then slept until 7:25, but self-soothed and went back to sleep until 7:45. He was happy with a pacifier, so I let him suck on it until 8:15 then I fed him.
He was happy and alert, not sleepy at all, so I let him stay awake until about 9:30 then he fell asleep for about fifteen minutes. I fed him the Dreamfeed and then put him to bed. He cried for approximately twenty minutes and is now fast asleep in his bassinet. I am not far behind him.
Let's hope I get a good stretch of sleep tonight. Babywise promises that babies will sleep through the night somewhere between 7-9 weeks. So I hope my Martin is closer to the 7 week mark, that would be this weekend.
Until tomorrow then...

Boring Post

So, here I am almost 6 weeks in and I'm exhausted. I don't know if it is the rainy day I'm experiencing, or if it is just utter tiredness, but I can't get out of this funk. I should probably just go to sleep with Martin after he eats this next time.
Today, I did accomplish something. I went to the grocery store, bought a comforter set for Martin's crib, annnd did some laundry. I also visited with my mom (twice) and drank way too much coffee.
I'm going to the doctor tomorrow for my 6 week check-up and I hope this means he will give me clearance to get back to all of my normal activities even though I don't quite feel up to anything today.
I'm eating healthier these days. I just ate shrimp, lima beans, corn, and an apple with peanut butter for dessert. I even managed to buy healthier food without going very far over my budget. I'm hoping eating mostly raw fruits and vegetables will help me lose the rest of this baby weight fairly quickly.

This is a very boring post.
In the next few days I'm hoping to try my hand at writing another short story, pick Middlemarch back up, and just sit in the quiet of my house while my baby boy sleeps. I haven't been fully enjoying the quietness of naptimes, but I really should take advantage of it.
Well, I'm back to the joys of Mommyhood.
JW

Exercise Among Other Things...

Today I did my first workout (real workout) since Martin came. I guess it was the total unfamiliarity I feel with my body after childbirth that made me hesitate when it came to working out. I couldn't really bring myself to do anything besides walking, which I don't think was a bad idea considering that I just gave birth a month ago. But nonetheless, I eased back into my old workouts today.
I didn't do much, just a little ab work, some push-ups, and fifteen minutes on the stationary bike. I'm going to wait to see what I feel like in the morning (soreness-wise), and decide how to proceed from there. I am so ready to be rid of these lingering few pounds. I am down 32lbs, and I just have a few left, but I know I won't get back to my pre-pregnancy body and fitness level without a lot of hard work. Don't be concerned, however, I am not rushing anything.
Well, my baby is crying so now it is time to go get him and shed a few ounces of weight.

Back to the Land of the Living

I'm back... well, I'm off the couch.
Today is Martin's one month birthday and I finally got moving. I kept getting motivated to start moving again, even just to clean up the kitchen or fold laundry, but thing after thing came up every week that would set my recovery time or sleep time back.
I was getting really frustrated about how long it was taking me to get back to my former energy level, and suddenly... today I was back.
I cleaned my kitchen (per Flylady instructions I shined my sink and swept/mopped the kitchen floor), I did two loads of laundry all the way to completion, had a devotion, and I took a walk with Marty in tow.

Martin loves to be awake. I'm attempting to do the Baby Wise program (which calls for a routine of Feeding time-Wake time-sleep time), but when I put him in his crib to take his nap this morning he just lay there looking at the ceiling and making noises. I love that boy so much I can't stand it. Needless to say, when I took him on a walk he fell sound asleep almost as soon as we set foot on pavement. It's okay, I'm nothing if not flexible.
Now he is sleeping soundly in his crib and I'm needing a cup of coffee... annnd I need to go to the grocery store so that we finally have some food in the house.
I guess that's all for today...
JW

The Heart of a Man Plans His Way (Part ll)

After the Pitocin began the contractions got increasingly more intense until I could barely stand it anymore. I knew labor was going to be difficult, but this was more mentally draining than anything else. I can handle pain, but this was wearing me down. I felt like little Martin would never come and my body wasn't making any progress which was the most frustrating part of the whole ordeal.
Finally, at 9:45pm, I was at 2cm and they could administer the epidural. At 11:00pm I was given the epidural and almost immediately I felt the effects.
I thought the epidural would mean a solid night's sleep, but complications arose despite my body being numb from the waist down.
Martin's heart rate began dropping with every contraction (still every minute), so they put me on oxygen to help control it, and I was flipped side to side every five minutes. After all of this my blood pressure started dropping to a dangerous 80/50, so I was put on more fluids to elevate it. I thought for sure this meant that I was going to be forced to have an emergency C-section.
It was in the wee hours of the morning and my mom had gone home earlier to get some rest. I texted her to let her know what was going on and she headed back to the hospital. In the time it took for her to drive down to the hospital, I progressed from 5cm-9cm. It was time to push!
By the time I was pushing my epidural had almost completely worn off. I started getting nervous about the pain I was about to experience, but at the same time I was excited to have control to push.
Pushing did hurt, let me tell you! But I have never felt anything so wonderful in all my life! I laughed as I pushed my baby into the world and I enjoyed every moment of it. It took 55 minutes for him to be delivered. I loved him the moment I laid eyes on him. There is nothing more beautiful in the whole world.

Nothing in this process went according to "plan," but it was all under the wings of my Maker, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Heart of a Man Plans His Way, but the Lord Directs His Steps

My beautiful baby boy is finally here! I cannot get enough of him.
Labor was an interesting process. I was induced at 41 weeks because there was some possible complications that could arise if we waiting another week before inducing. My body was not progressing enough on it's own, and my little baby boy was getting too big to wait.
I have always had a plan about how I wanted to do things. So, naturally, I had a birthplan written up almost as soon as I got that positive strip on the pregnancy test. The plan was to give birth naturally, no inductions, no pain meds, and no prolonged stay at the hospital. I wanted to be at home and "walk" the baby out on my own (this defined as waiting until the last possible moment before leaving for the hospital). But after my doctor told me that there was a good chance I would need a C-section if I waited to go into labor on my own, and after learning that my little Marty boy was posterior (face up, aka:an extremely painful labor), I knew my plans would have to be put aside.
We went in for the induction expecting that I would be induced at 6:30 A.M. which would help me efface, and at some point that day I would have a baby.
Well, the induction process started at 10:00 am, at 11:00 am I began to have intense contractions every minute, and at 2:30 I will still not effaced enough to do anything besides wait. I dreaded the Pitocin part of the induction because I had heard that those Pitocin-induced contractions were much more painful than normal contractions, and because I had not dilated to 2 cm I couldn't get an epidural...
To Be Continued...

I Have Completed Something!

Dear Readers,
You should know that I have never completed anything creative in my life. I may have painted many pictures, but I have not framed them nor hung them on the wall. I've written dozens of stories, but have not finished editing them nor have I sent them anywhere. Well, I hadn't completely anything creative until today! I have finished the novel I've been working on for two years! It is the best feeling in the world. It was one of the goals I wanted to accomplish before the baby came, and I did it! I thought I would never finish that novel.
The novel is titled, "Mother of Believers," and hopefully in the next couple of years you will see it on the shelves of Davis Kidd.
JW

A Blog about Life

I have tried to be the avid blogger in the recent past only to be disappointed. This time I will try to come at it a little differently. I will simply post about my life.
I am in my last week of pregnancy. As the time draws near, all I can think about is the fact that I'm about to be a mother, and about how I will be able to sleep on my stomach again. I've gained a lot of weight with this pregnancy, I've been tired, and I've seen my relationship with my husband (of a little less than two years) strengthen instead of weaken.
This past nine months has been difficult. We do not make much money, we are both young (25 and 23), but yet we have made it almost to the end without losing the bond we had when we first fell in love. My husband is my best friend, and by the Lord's grace he will remain so.
Now, I want to be honest. It is not that my husband and I have lived without disagreements these past two years. Quite the contrary. I do not think that successful marriages are necessarily the result of constant agreement. I believe that the most successful marriages are built around spouses who both know that they are imperfect people. I know that my marriage could have ended as soon as it began if I did not realize that when I mess up I could confess it and come back to being the best friend/wife/confidant/etc. It is only when we let those disagreements fester and multiply that we come to a place of resentment for our spouse.
Now I am blessed. I have a God who is on my side, and I have an amazing family to lead me in the way I should go. I don't take those things for granted. This blog will be about my life as I manage a newborn, marriage, friendships, and this wonderful relationship with God that makes all of those things possible.
It may also follow me as I shed the pregnancy weight, train for various sporting endeavors, and learn to hang out with tiny children the majority of the day. But we shall see...
JW